Networking for Introverts: How to Connect with Confidence

It's common knowledge that you can't
get ahead in your career without learning how to network effectively. Once
you've got it down, consistency and follow up are the keys to connecting successfully.
But if you're an introvert
like many technical creative folks, or one of the millions of other
professionals who secretly struggle with group interactions, you are all too
familiar with the challenges networking presents.

Inc.comoffers up this little bit of amusement:

Question: How many introverts does it take to hold a meeting?

Answer: Two... as long as they both have laptops and Internet
connections!

You don't have to avoid group
events, suffer the dread that makes you want to run or grit your teeth and
paste on a smile just to get through them. You can start forging and developing valuable connections without all
that stress and fatigue. It's time to reshape what it means to network, in a way that really works for you.
Let's explore how.

The Problem With Networking

If, like me, you associate
networking with stress, dread and fatigue, it's a safe bet that your prior
experiences have been as unpleasant as mine.

Whenever I've found myself hanging
out by the corner or the punch bowl, or checking my phone, I've always wondered:
what makes us—this small group stranded on the island of misfit networkers—so
different from all of those people who are happily chatting and laughing? Why can't
I be more like them?

There's
actually a very good reason you don't often find an introvert working a room, and it's not that we're shy. It's
how we're wired.

Introverts
are drained by a lot of interaction and activity, where extroverts are
energized. Author Susan Cain explains in herTed speechthat introversion is about how we respond to social stimulation. Where extroverts feed off a lot of it, introverts thrive in quieter, low-key environments.

The good news is that the solitude
we seek out naturally is a prerequisite for creativity. The bad news is that breakthrough
ideas come largely from exchange and interaction, which create a combination
of very different perspectives. Clearly we can't achieve our boldest brilliance
in a bubble. Nor can we rapidly advance our careers.

What Networking Is—and What Is It Not

What first crosses your mind at the
mention of networking? For many it's a cocktail reception at an
industry event. Or maybe it's the double whammy, where you're faced with your company's
executives and clients at the same time.

These associations are common, but they have bred misunderstanding.
The very definitions we've assigned to networking actually help
perpetuate our negative experiences. Let's expand the concept of networking beyond group meetings and social events.

Networking
Reframed (according to BusinessDictionary.com): Reaching out to someone to make his or her acquaintance and
exchange information, and then keeping that connection active through regular
communication.

Based on this definition, you've been
doing a lot of networking without even realizing it. Talking with family,
friends, significant others, colleagues, neighbors and people at the gym or your favorite Starbucks can
all have networking value. Making any
contact that can evolve into a mutually benefit relationship is networking. They
all "count" if you approach and manage these interactions
thoughtfully and consciously.

So for now, stop feeling badly about
hiding at the buffet table at your last industry event. We'll get to that.

Evaluating the State of Your Network

It's no shock that introverts tend
to prefer one-on-one conversation
over large group interactions. For most of us this produces a small number of
meaningful connections as opposed to a lot of acquaintances. We end up with networks that are deep but too narrow to be of significant benefit to our careers.

Wherever you think you stand, it's key to honestly evaluate the current state of your network to clarify where you should focus your efforts.

Questions to Consider

• Does your network run deep within your industry? Are some of these connections
  in the position to introduce you to new opportunities and contacts?

• Think
  about potential career moves that appeal to you.Is your network broad enough to help move you into a new industry?Can you identify some strategicconnections, or "bridge" contacts, that could help you cross into that industry? A strong network should reflect where you want to take your
  career, not just where you've been.

• How many connections are in the inner circle, your most
  trusted go-to people? They're the ones you can always rely on to help, whether offering resources, introductions or references. How many in your circle would say the same of
  you?

• When is the last time you actually connected with
  these people? Be honest: how many contacts are just acquaintances
  who may not remember who you are or how you connected?

Analysis Time

Now take a step back and look at your
answers to these questions through the lens of value. Your connections
should be mutually beneficial relationships, and this implies that value must
be created for both parties.

Identify in concrete terms those benefits you could share with your connections. Apply this to contacts in your own industry, contacts in other industries that appeal to you, and your inner circle.

Where Do You Stand?

You may find that some of your contacts just aren't positioned to help further your career goals. So you connected withhalf the staff from the company you worked at 10 years ago, before you switched industries and moved cross-country; you don't need to unfriendthem. You do need to begin taking a more strategic
view of how and where you invest your time in developing relationships.

Sometimes
you may need to redirect focus from one contact to another who has the
potential to be more fruitful, given where your career is heading. Who
are your high potential contacts and are you spending enough time cultivating
these connections?

If you're now feeling
better about the state of your connections (even without
counting your mom and cousins), give yourself a quick pat on the
back. But remember: your network is never done, no matter how broad
and deep it is. Think of it like a vegetable garden that you need to feed consistently
if you want to reap ongoing benefits.

If you're not so elated with the
results, that's okay, too. You'll soon be pumping up your networking muscles and,
with some new strategies for networking on your own terms, confidently and comfortably
building meaningful connections.

Make Networking Work for You

We've already redefined networking
as a broader concept that extends well beyond the conference or large meeting. But
one more shift is needed. We need to reframe the notion of how networking happens—the act of interacting—to make it work for
you. The goal is to get you ready to start making quality, career-minded connections
without sapping your energy or spirit in the process.

There are many strategies that can help
you navigate this strange new networking world but they all depend on the same
premise: taking control.

Instead of reacting and responding to
a networking environment, you can take control of your experience by proactively
initiating and managing your interactions. Luckily, some fellow introverts have field
tested a number of strategies that work.

Before You Network: Prepare

Controlling and reshaping your networking
experience starts well before the actual interaction or event. Think about the
environment you'll be encountering. You need to prepare for seeing unfamiliar faces and for small talk to get comfortable with
entering the room and engaging.

If you're heading into a group setting, like a conference or large
meeting:.

1. Find
   out who plans to attend and arrange to meet someone there. The old elementary
   school buddy system can still be a lifesaver. Having a friendly face and someone
   to eat lunch with does wonders for your comfort level.
2. Get
   a copy of the attendee list or use social media to figure out what
   VIPs are likely to go. Who's on that list that you'd like to meet? Reach out
   via LinkedIn and arrange in advance to
   meet up at the event.
3. Do
   your homework on any specific people you hope to meet. Think through how you could help
   them and vice versa, and anticipate a few different directions the conversation
   could take.You can also
   get the conversation started before the event via email or on social media. By planning
   for some one-on-one conversations, you can create the kind of situation you
   thrive in, even in a mass-networking environment.
4. Prepare some
   questions in advance that can start conversation with anyone you happen to encounter. Think
   about what you might want to learn from them.
5. Know your own story—whatever you're comfortable sharing—and practice it. You'll be less nervous when someone asks you about yourself.Katharine
   Hansen says knowing and telling our stories is also key to being memorable. Better
   yet, share humorous (yet tasteful) stories to make a positive impact and simultaneously
   diffuse stress.
6. Set a goal for yourself in advance to keep you focused at the engagement. You might aim to meet two new people, or one VIP. When you pose challenges
   for yourself and achieve them, you'll quickly build networking confidence.

While You're Networking

Cultivate One-on-One Conversation

Remember that networking happens one person at a time.Take every chance you can get to talk one-on-one
rather than in groups.

Avondale's Stark
and Stewart remind us that our aim is to create a smaller number of deep relationships,
which is conveniently where introverts excel. You don't need a virtual Rolodex
of superficial connections.

Find a Sidekick

If you identified a friend who
will also be at the event, set a time to meet up. If you're solo, make a point
to strike up a conversation with just one other person to take the awkwardness
out of lunch and breaks. (Just look for the people who seem the most uncomfortable
in the room!)

Take Breaks to Recharge and Don't Over-Schedule Yourself

Introverts find themselves depleted
when they're engaged in too much interaction for too long. When you can control
it, avoid booking back-to-back social engagements. Be selective with your
scheduling so that, no matter where you are or the time of day, you'll be able
to focus. Prioritizing time to re-energize allows you to bring your best selfto each engagement.

“I get maxed-out more quickly
than some, so it’s my responsibility that I schedule little mini-breaks
throughout the day...It’s almost incumbent on me to make sure that I take care,
in a very fierce way, in order to be able to continue to write and to be the
person I want to be...”Singer/songwriterAlanis Morissette

Even the most fastidious efforts to control your networking
environment, however, can't prevent occasional
situations that drain our energy. Give yourself the time and space to break
away whenever you need to.

Play to Your Strengths as an Introvert

Listen

People
appreciate when someone listens to them, and this is a strength of most introverts.
We're much more comfortable focusing on those around us than talking about ourselves.
Just asking open-ended questions and listening intently to what other people
say can lead to meaningful, one-on-one conversation. People want solutions to
their problems and you can identify those opportunities by listening.

Because we're
great listeners, introverts are also often superb at remembering the little details someone shares with us. Use these as your basis to reconnect later (e.g.,
"how's your son doing in baseball?") and you will be a stand-out
networker.

The beauty of listening as a networking strategy is
that introverts naturally do it very well, and it also happens to be really good for us. Gallup researcher Tom Rath found that truly listening to
another person—asking a question and genuinely listening to their response
with undivided attention—has positive impacts on work performance and dramatically
impacts our general well being.

Give

Look at networking as an opportunity to serve and
give rather than receive. We may be more likely than extroverts to hang
back in group discussions, but many of us
like being a subject matter expert. We're comfortable chiming in when
others ask for help or guidance.

With every person you meet and talk to, ask
questions to figure out what you can contribute to them. Maybe you learn that
someone is interested in a topic you follow; offer to send them a great
article you just read.

Entrepreneur John Kobara suggests that this help first philosophy leads to the
most productive and fulfilling networking. What resources would be of value to the
last contact you made? Use that as a reason to reach out.

Reflect

Even the
best memory can only hang on to so many new faces. Taking the time to capture notes when you meet people makes all the difference later when it's time to follow
up.

In addition
to basic contact information, reflect on what the individual has shared with
you and record any interests and issues for future reference.

It may
sound impractical to do this after every conversation but for me it serves two valuable purposes:
I gain both the snippets I need to make the most of the new contact later on and a few welcome moments of solitary
reflection.

Afterwards: Follow Up

Networking is no different from your regular work in that follow
up is crucial to success. Whether it’s emailing someone after a networking
event or meeting them for coffee, reaching out after making any sort of connection shows you're trustworthy. Personalized follow up also improves the contact's chances of remembering you. The more
pointed you are in keeping a conversation going, and the more you focus on
their interests, the more memorable you will be.

Email is a valuable follow up tool for introverts because we
tend to prefer writing over speaking. We like to think first and then communicate
(which is also why we can tend to be passed by in group conversations). And because
it doesn't put you on the spot to performin front of people, writing
is often less tiring than talking for introverts. You can use this to your
advantage by liberally using email and even old-fashioned paper notes to develop
and maintain connections. You will stand out from your extroverted colleagues,
guaranteed.

One beautiful development for introverts over the past 15 years
is the shift to connecting with people virtually, like on LinkedIn and
Facebook, without ever having met or talked with them. But this doesn't give us
a pass on live networking.

Virtual communication doesn't give people the chance to really
get to know you. That takes personal contact. Do you have friends who are often
irritated because you answerphone calls with texts and emails? Similarly,
the extroverted contacts in your network will bristle and probably even assume your
commitment to them is low. Meeting for coffee, catching up at an industry event
or whatever works best is both worthwhile and necessary.

Conclusion

Too often introverts stumble uncomfortably through networking
because we're trying to act like extroverts. Or, we waste time apologizing for
not being more outgoing. It's time to be genuine, to embrace and leverage your strengths
as an introvert. Armed with a revamped definition of what it means
to network, you can start forging more valuable connections in a way
that works for you.

Want to learn more?

• David Masters breaks down the art of conversation into five steps that areespecially useful for introverted creatives looking to network.

• If you're not sure if you fall in the introvert category, Daniel
  Pink offers a quick and fun assessment
  of your type.

• For more practical strategies to make networking less
  stressful and more comfortable, see Devora Zack's Networking for People Who Hate Networking: A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed,and the Underconnected.

• This tutorial draws from Karl Stark and Bill
  Stewart's work, and their Inc.article offers great practical advice. In another helpful piece they focus on mapping your network.

• For more on the power of storytelling and how to use it to strengthen
  connections, check out the work of Katharine Hansen and Annette Simmons.

• Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone is a gem for anyone looking to build valuable business
  relationships.

Resources

Graphic Credit: Connecticon designed byRohith M Sfrom theNoun Project.

Editorial Note: This content was originally published in May of 2015. We're sharing it again because our editors have determined that this information is still accurate and relevant.