The difference between Australia and New Zealand

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I spent about 7 weeks in New Zealand and a couple of weeks in Australia in the early 2000s. People in both countries told me something along the lines of "If Australia is the United States, then New Zealand is Canada." This is not really accurate, of course, but it is true that Kiwis and Aussies are frequently compared and contrasted by their own citizens, and by others. Here's a Kiwi who is eager to set the record straight.