Apple is an Apple vlogger now

Oh, would you look at that: A highly polished YouTube video breaking down the features and presumptive selling points of the newest iPhones.

But the latest iPhone 13 walk-and-talk published Friday isn't the work of established or aspiring gadget vlogger, but rather Apple itself.

"You may have heard that there are four incredible new iPhones," warmly intones the presenter. "I want to tell you about them, and help you understand the differences between them."

SEE ALSO: 6 details from Apple's big iPhone 13 event that you probably missed

What follows is a nearly eight-minute long informercial with its own narrative arc, complete with woodwind accompaniment and the kind of unwavering enthusiasm only money can buy.

Thankfully, for Apple's sake, it has plenty of that.