What is helpful, if you want to help

Dear allies and friends,

You're out here and I see you. Thank you for being here and taking the time to offer coding tips and solid career advice that 4 jobs and many years of self study would not have given me. A lot of you are deeply passionate, opinionated and experienced, have the best intentions but sometimes your delivery can use some improvement.

This is the one day I decide I will do the work of explaining what's helpful and how to help, from my able-bodied and hypervisible perspective. Then the other 364 days I can spend leveling up, advocating for myself and actually help others!

This isn't a list of ideals; if I've listed this, it's because someone did something I found really helpful, and I wanted to share it with you all.

1. Listen.

Find out what it is exactly they're having trouble with. Separate one problem from another if they're conflating things. Helping someone new may seem like an extremely boring and tedious task but with the right attitude people will collect and learn what they can piece by piece from those who have time. On the other hand, point them to the right resources.

2. Don't say something is actually easy or simply provide the solution when someone is stuck.

Helping them break down the problem or large concept, point out which part wasn't working or what their assumptions are. Guide them to find an answer to explain why your solution works.

3. Lead by example. Be humble and human.

Own mistakes and apologize when wrong. When this kind of behaviour comes from people with experience or at the top, it sets a tone for people to be psychologically safe and intellectually vulnerable. Soon, other team members start doing it too.

Share with them the difficult part you also experienced, if you have. (Don't feel the need to make it up)

For a long time I felt programming was something of a personality talent. If I was not logical or mathematically inclined as such and such, I wouldn't progress or be able to do certain things. This is not true after hearing even senior folks once struggled with simple things. This brings some common ground to the table and demystifies the treachery of 10x competence. I realize that programming is a type of thinking that can be learned and requires practice.

4. If your correspondence is over a longer term, point out any gotchas if someone comes back stumped again.

Hearing the exceptions first usually doesn't help them avoid them as people often learn by doing, and usually they discover it themselves.

5. Explain, in the easiest terms.

You are not mansplaining if someone doesn't already know something. And if you suspect they might feel patronized you can say something like "You may already know this," (I actually use this line with men a lot because I don't want to embarrass them or put them on the defensive for not knowing something lol)

If they're asking, they've already expressed they don't know (and gotten over the fear of looking stupid) You will help them a long way!

6. Check in or reach out if someone is receiving a glib or less than friendly response.

This might be their first impression of a community and kind strangers have made a huge difference in my impressions of tech and community.

7. Encourage them to keep trying

Because the most mediocre of us have had all had crises of confidence and occupational stalemates. If they're really unsure about continuing or thinking about quitting, help someone figure out what it is they want to do with programming or why they enjoy it.

This last one is just my opinion:

-1. Quotas mean nothing without the means to support junior, intermediate or senior minorities

Open doors for them, but only when you're sure they'll succeed or have a buddy. Be invested in their growth. Most people without CS degrees or typical mentorship work doubly hard to prove themselves.

Yes, of course we need to have more women trans and queer and nonbinary leaders. But I doubt the most confident and capable of senior devs coming from a marginal position will not be able to invoke much change or stand for much if work culture encourages problematic attitudes.

Don't just throw their resume in the door if you know the culture is intolerant and clique-y, or there are no resources for onboarding or mentoring them, if they are not ready to succeed in the role. That won't level the playing field. It's just going to make it more unappealing.