Three Halflings in a Trenchcoat: a homebrew fighter class for D&D

"Three Halflings in a Trenchcoat" is Redditor Sir_Platinum's homebrew fighter class for Dungeons and Dragons, wherein the halflings' dexterity bonus is canceled out by the need to maintain balance and movement speed is sharply reduced, but this is offset by a "Band of Brothers" effect that -- while not so good for hit points -- provides an armor class bonus, as well as the ability to make three attacks at once with all six arms.

The thing that makes this so great is Sir_Platinum's ha-ha-only-serious devotion to carrying the gag through, with all kinds of bonuses at higher levels, like the "uncanny valley" effect that kicks in at level 15, wherein your improvements to your movement increase your realism to the point where people can't quite put their finger on what's wrong with this picture (gain advantage on intimidation checks).

Sir_Platinum carries on in the comments, weighing in on whether they can all be called "Steve," and providing GM tips for running a game with the class in it; his running notes are invaluable to anyone contemplating playing the class.

I intend this character to be played as a pure fighter, no multiclassing.

You could play this with any small race, I chose it because halflings have a +2 to dex racially, and if anyone can pull it off, they can. Add a minimum dex score requirement if you want.

Only light weapons are allowed for the build as they are the only type that can be easily concealed. No shields, regular, or heavy weapons.