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May 25, 2019 01:01 pm PDT

Quantum physics, Brad & Angie, and Doris Day's scandals, in this weeks dubious tabloids

The recent redefinition of the kilogram based on quantum physics and Plancks constant has had major ramifications in this weeks tabloids, where such weighty issues as celebrity body fat and how many Angelina Jolies it takes to make up one Brad Pitt are the subject of intense scientific debate.

But even the measurement of mass using universal verities about light and energy doesnt come close to the level of accuracy achieved by the former Guess-Your-Weight fairground carnies who can pin-point a celebritys weight sight unseen with zero margin of error.

This week the tabloids bring us the formula (A - 17) x 2 = B - 20, where A is Angelina Jolie three months ago, 17 are the pounds shes reportedly lost in the past few weeks, B is Brad Pitt in 2018, and 20 are the pounds hes lost lately.

Jolie, who earlier this year was reportedly a slender 97 pounds, has dropped to 80 pounds according to the mathematical geniuses at the National Enquirer, who claim that her six scared kids are begging her to eat.

In the other half of the equation, the Globe reports that Bony Brad is Wasting Away! Jolies ex may be suffering manorexia. says the rag, using the scientific term for an eating disorder rarely found outside of academic medical journals. If a page falls out of an atlas has it undergone a mapendectomy? Just asking. Pitt has reportedly dropped 20 pounds, so that he is now a mere 160 pounds.

All of which answers the question which has perplexed mathematicians almost as long as Fermats Last Theorem: how many Angelina Jolies does it take to make one Brad Pitt? Read the rest


Original Link: http://feeds.boingboing.net/~r/boingboing/iBag/~3/yr_fB_-Yg1s/quantum-physics-brad-angie.html

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