Ha-ha, only serious: McSweeney's on price-gouging in the emergency room

Emergency rooms at for-profit hospitals are notorious price-gougers, where an ice-pack and a bandage can cost $5,000, and where no one will tell you how much your care is costing until months after the fact.

In a funny, serious, link-studded satirical essay on McSweeney's (Welcome to Our Modern Hospital Where If You Want to Know a Price You Can Go Fuck Yourself), Alex Baia makes explicit the submerged subtext of these sleazy, crooked tactics: "Well, you cant do much about that now. Except of course to go fuck yourself. Yes, maam, as a matter of fact, we do have a special room where you can go fuck yourself. Yes, it does cost money to use the room, and no I cannot tell you how much. Want a hint? Its between $1 and $35,000 per minute. Will you be reserving the go fuck yourself room?"

Honestly, theres no telling what youll pay today. Maybe $700. Maybe $70,000. Its a fun surprise! Maybe youll go to the ER for five minutes, get no treatment, then well charge you $5,000 for an ice pack and a bandage. Then your insurance company will be like, This is nuts. Were not paying this. Who knows how hard youll get screwed? You will, in three months.

Fun story: This one time we charged two parents $18,000 for some baby formula. LOL! We pull that shit all the time. Dont like it? Dont bring a baby, asshole.

Oh, I get it: youre used to knowing a clear price for products and services.