Michael Jackson is alive, Elvis is haunting Wayne Newton, and Sean Hannitys secrets are revealed, in this weeks dubious tabloids

Without the slightest sense of irony or self-awareness, the National Enquirer gives away the secret to its journalistic excellence in this weeks remarkable story under the headline: How To Lie & Get Away With It.

In an article that could easily have been penned by Enquirer fan Donald Trump, the rag proclaims: Face it honesty isnt always the best policy!

Its advice, borne out by decades of experience:

"Sprinkle in some truth to make lies more plausible. Keep it simple without too many facts to complicate matters. Play to your audience by capitalizing on their knowledge and fears. Dont show remorse or guilt. Be prepared and plan your lie in advance, not on the fly.

Following these sterling precepts, the Enquirer tells us that Evil ISIS Plots Kidnap Horror for pregnant Duchess of Sussex Meghan, with terrorist plans to cut her unborn child from her womb! The plot is nothing more than online postings on terrorist chat forums presumably where terrorists gather online to discuss their favorite Star Trek episodes and debate which comic book heroes deserve their own movies. These chat forums allegedly include a photo of Meghan "with a blood red X over her stomach. And we all know what a red X means: Cut the baby out! What else could it possibly mean?

The Enquirer piles on to the young Royals with its story Harry & Meghan Cheat Death in Sabotaged Jet! Their private jet was struck by lightning last week, and the rag claims: Terrorists planted device to attract lightning bolts & blow up plane. An unnamed highly placed British counterterrorism expert tells the Enquirer that the jet would never have been hit without being sabotaged but this is errant nonsense. Read the rest