Dear Elon Musk, where the hell is my Boring Not-a-Flamethrower?

Hey Elon! Musk, my man. My boi, my guy, my dude!

I'm looking at the calendar (can you believe it's September already?) and, like, summer is over. 

Kids are going back to school in their crispy AF clothes and kicks and just, okay, I'll cut to the chase: Where the f*ck is my flamethrower? I correct myself, my Not-a-Flamethrower. *Wink wink*. 

Y'all promised me I'd be roasting nuts or killing zombies like a boss this summer and I've yet to incinerate a single peanut for the 'gram.

Look, Elon, I know you're a super busy guy. You've got lots of big and important shit to do like running Tesla, SpaceX, The Boring Company, and tweeting yourself into trouble.  Read more...