The Onion's review of Fifty Shades Freed

Peter K. Rosenthal faces an existential crisis after watching 'Fifty Shades Freed' and learning the nature of his predicament.

For as long as I remember I've been imprisoned here, forced to watch an endless cavalcade of rote, insipid moviemaking. ... Every DVD I watch is slipped in on a tray. Recently, for some reason, they've also been putting this revolver on it.