Trumps space death ray, Hillary Clintons liberation, and alien mummies, in this weeks tabs

Is President Trump feeding stories to the National Enquirer?

The magazine boasts an exclusive story this week claiming that the Pentagon has developed a space laser that could zap North Korea off the map by focusing the suns energy into a beam of pure destructive power.

At first glance its just another fact-challenged Enquirer sci-fi fantasy, and yet the magazine does have unprecedented access to President Donald Trump, who is on the record saying the rag deserves a Pulitzer prize, and cited its dubious stories on the campaign trail.

Its not inconceivable that this Enquirer story was planted by Trump himself, echoing his threat to engulf North Korea with fire and fury like the world has never seen.

But even if the story came from the Oval Office, its likely to be as accurate as the rest of the Enquirer offerings this week. America obliterating North Korea doesnt even merit inclusion on the Enquirer' front page, which is devoted instead to these gems: Julia Roberts divorce turns nasty, NBCs Megyn Kelly has been fired, and 95-year-old actress Betty White is battling crippling illness. Unsurprisingly, none of these claims are supported by the stories inside.

How has Julia Roberts divorce turned nasty? It hasnt, since there is no divorce. The Enquirer claims that the actress's husband Danny Moder is furious about Roberts romantic reconnection with her Pretty Woman co-star Richard Gere. Kiss destroys 15-year marriage, reports the mag, displaying an incriminating photo of Roberts and Gere bussing lips. But its not what it seems: the embrace was the pairs greeting on TVs Today show in 2015 - a public, innocent and friendly greeting, not a passionate clandestine lip-lock. Is Danny Moder divorcing his wife because he suddenly saw a rereun of his wife greeting an old friend on TV two years ago? Yeah, right.

Megyns out! screams the Enquirer headline - except as viewers can tell, Kelly is still on our screens. And the Enquirer story concedes she hasnt gone yet, but merely claims: NBCs ready to kick her off Today."

Betty White was forced to make a desperate dash to her doctors office after collapsing at home, the Enquirer reports. But arent desperate dashes made to hospitals? Trips to ones doctor are usually less than life-threatening.

But White is fortunate to have the medical expertise of New York internist Dr Stuart Fischer, who admits never treating the actress, but insightfully informs the magazine: This is likely the result of arteriosclerosis. She could have saved herself a desperate dash to the doctor and just phoned the Enquirer.

The Globe continues its almost weekly Royal soap-opera, claiming that the Queen has changed her mind - once again - and decided to cut out son Prince Charles and bequeath the crown directly to grandson Prince William. Apart from the fact that the Queen cant just give the throne to anyone she likes - theres a legally established line of succession - she supposedly made this decision in anger after learning of Charles alleged love child. Whats more, the Globe claims Prince Charles illegitimate son is real successor. Okay, take a deep breath. Firstly, Charles alleged love child was first reported by the Enquirer in 2000, so this is not news to the Queen, or anyone in tabloidland. Secondly, alleged love child Jason was born in 1984, almost two years after Prince Williams birth - so Jason wouldnt be first in line for the throne even if he were recognized as Charles son and heir. Its a 16-year-old story, and its laughable to report that the love child scandal has outraged . . . Charles dying 91-year-old mother.

Us magazine devotes its cover to its exclusive story revealing that Prince Harrys love, TVs Suits star Meghan Markle, finally met the Queen earlier this month. It went well, says a source. Itll no doubt be the first of many encounters. And on the basis of that uninspiring tid-bit, Us mag spins out four pages plus its cover. The mag also promises us the story of Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx: The truth behind their secret romance. After years of privately dating, theyre going to start going public, reveals an unnamed source. Or maybe thats just what happens when paparazzi catch you walking hand-in-hand along a Malibu beach.

People magazine devotes its cover to an interview with Angelina Jolie, in which she reveals: Im a little bit stronger. But thats pretty much the only words she says about her personal life and break-up from husband Brad Pitt in an interview that otherwise reads like a series of questions submitted and answered by email.

Jolie steals the cover from Hillary Clinton, who merits a three-page profile on the launch of her latest memoir, having reportedly found peace in yoga, chardonnay and silliness with her grandkids. Freed from the tyranny of daily pantsuits, she says: Its liberating!

Fortunately we have the crack investigative team at Us mag to tell us that Cindy Crawfords daughter Kaia Gerber wore it best, that Fred Armisen wishes avocados were illegal, that actress Melissa Rauch carries sunglasses, hand lotion and chewing gum in her Henri Bendel bag, and that the stars are just like us: they do yoga, feed parking meters, pump gas, take taxis, and buy produce. Earth-shattering, as ever.

Leave it to the National Examiner to bring us the delightful story of alien mummies found in Peru - five bodies that appear more reptilian than human, according to researchers. X-rays of the alleged 1,500-year-old mummified remains supposedly disprove claims that they were fake models, but the authenticity of the remains, and their questionable provenance, leave many questions unanswered, with the entire enterprise reeking of a money-making hoax. Of course, the Examiner cant resist taking the story a step too far, claiming that Archaeologists suspect living ETs are still guarding tomb. Because what alien race wouldnt watch over the tomb of loved ones for 1,500 years?

Onwards and downwards . . .