The Eggo you wanna l'Eggo

LEGGO MY EGGO! We would all yell as children! More fun than Uh-Oh Spaghettios!, and not just clever marketing attached to mayo like bringing out the best with Best Foods! My youth was made incrementally better by the existence of Eggo frozen toaster waffles. Last week, I was in a supermarket freezer section and saw something that ended all that. I ran across the Eggo Breakfast Sandwich.

Lets face it, what I'm looking for is a Sausage Egg McMuffin that doesn't require I buy it from McDonalds. I have totally succumbed to idea that buying my artery clogging breakfast sandwich of fat and chemicals-formulated-to-trick-my-body-into-thinking-I-am-tasting-fat from McDonald's is bad for me, but if I equiovate the same food from Whole Foods to getting a xVx tattoo on my forehead. When I saw this amazing box from Eggo, I thought my dreams might be answered.

Right on the box it clearly states that the sausage is savory, the eggs 100% real (calling into question everything else,) and the cheese so melty. When added to the awesome that is an Eggo waffle, I thought I'd maybe have found a new breakfast delight. Long, long ago I'd discovered using Eggos as a sandwich bread replacement, and toasted Eggo and peanut butter sandos are heaven.

Oh, how wrong one consumer looking to experience child-like delight can be! After microwaving one of these cute looking, individually packaged mini-waffle sandwiches in the nuclear oven, I was confused. Something smelled amiss. Something smelled like cheap sugar.

All of the marketing about these Eggo would-be delights is true. The sausage savory, the egg presumably real and the cheese melty as all heck. However, it is only the back of the packaging, and they make it take a bit of reading to decipher, these things are maple flavored.

Maple flavored.

Who the fuck maple flavors this?

Expecting Savory and getting kid-sugar sweet breakfast sausage is a surprise I wish upon no one. These are horribly disgusting.

Eggo Breakfast Sandwiches are a terrible, terrible disappointment.