Trumps wild imaginings promulgated in tabloids alongside equally fact-challenged celebrity news

Fidel Castro confessed on his deathbed to killing JFK, Prince Harry has impregnated his American actress girlfriend, Priscilla Presley has six months to live, and President Donald Trump will save 25 million jobs.

Those are the headlines in this weeks tabloids, and its salutary to see Trumps wild imaginings promulgated alongside equally fact-challenged celebrity news.

Does the National Enquirer really have an unnamed American intelligence source with inside information about the Cuban dictators supposedly whispered final words? Theres about as much chance as the Globe having a Buckingham Palace mole revealing that Prince Harry has impregnated Meghan Markle, or that Prince Charles urged his youngest son to come to his senses and buy off the bimbo.

Any why does Priscilla Presley have only six months to live? Shes being killed by a toxic facelift, claims the Globe, inspired by photographs analyzed by its crack team of medically-trained psychic reporters. Yes, facial fillers can sometimes spark infections that in rare cases prove fatal, but saying that Presley is dying simply because she may have had cosmetic procedures is like saying that someone is dying of cancer simply because they once smoked a cigarette. And Priscilla Presley shouldnt be allowed to die while were still waiting for Nick Nolte to pass away, having outlived his Enquirer predicted demise by four months, and Chers promised shuffling off of her mortal coil before the New Year.

Its that time of year when the tabloids just say WTF and fill pages with retrospectives of the past 12 months, because its easier than making up new stories. For the Enquirer, that means celebrating the best dressed (Charlize Theron, Viola Davis) and worst dressed (Lady Gaga, Gwen Stefani) of the year. For the Globe that means 2016s Scandals & Shockers, retelling a plethora of dubious stories ranging from Jimmy Hoffas body being found to TVs 'Crocodile Hunter star Steve Irwin committing suicide by stingray, Prince Charles confessing that he killed Princess Diana and stealing the British throne from his mother, and Prince William and wife Kates tragic miscarriage - all stories that exist nowhere but in the ravings of straight-jacketed asylum dwellers and the pages of the Globe. For People magazine 2016 was The year of the exposed shoulder, which seems as good an excuse as any for photos of ten female celebrities wearing off-the-shoulder gowns. Its also been the year of the mannequin challenge, Snapchat filters, Rihannas pink fur shower shoes, over-the-top milkshakes, cauliflower pizza and rainbow bagels, People tells us, all fads that by this time next year will have us all wondering what the hell we were thinking.

Loretta Lynn Goes to Pot! screams a Globe headline, with a full page story revealing - shock, horror - that the country music queen has reportedly confessed to smoking marijuana. Once. For medicinal reasons. Shocking. Prince Harry, who can't seem to get a break from the tabloids this year, is quitting the Royal life to become an actor and believes hes got a hot shot at becoming the next James Bond, claims the Enquirer. Or will the Queen have a license to kill his thespian dreams?

Fortunately we have Us magazines unrivaled investigative team to tell us that Blake Lively wore it best (she really did - sorry, Katie Holmes), that Candace Cameron Bures Louis Vuitton tote carries lip balm, Advil and a hairbrush, and that the stars are just like us: they shelter from rain beneath umbrellas, blow out birthday candles, read books and run errands. Its great reporting like this that keeps me coming back to Us mag each week. I wish I could say the same for Us mags cover girl this week: Melania Trump, with the promise of a look inside her surprising day-to-day life. In a feature that could have been titled Future First Ladies - Theyre Just Like Us! Melania proves shes just a regular mother and housewife, dropping-off and picking up ten-year-old son Barron at school, taking him to after-school programs, and sharing dinners together, Just like us, so long as we drive our kids to school in chauffeur-driven limousines, wear a $1,655 Antonio Berardi dress and $4,800 Balmain coat, take our children to dinner at Manhattans trendy Serafina restaurant, and live in a triplex Trump Tower penthouse modeled after the palace at Versailles, all watched over by a team of Secret Service agents.

People magazine embraces the White Houses outgoing duo in its cover story The Obamas Say Goodbye.

You know, says Michelle Obama, reflecting on life in the White House, I think probably some of the best moments for Barack are when he could come up on that elevator, come to the second floor, sit down at the dinner table and have no one care about anything he does. At all. I mean literally. Just talked over, talked around.

If being ignored and uncared for makes him happy, President Obama may be in for a very contented life after he leaves office.

Onwards and downwards . . .