How low will Americas tabloids stoop to derail Hillary Clintons presidential campaign?

Just look at this weeks National Enquirer cover, breathlessly billed as The story that will doom Hillary.

Under the heading World Exclusive, the headline screams: Bill Groped Me On Campaign Jet - and Hillary Did Nothing!

Campaign flight attendant Cristy Zercher is horrified that Bill Clinton allegedly hugged her from behind and placed a hand on her breast. On another occasion she claims to have opened the plane's toilet door to find Bill standing with his fly unzipped, though exposing nothing.

The cover photo of Hillary Clintons campaign plane leaves no doubt that Hillary is sex-fiend Bills enabler-in-chief.

I almost hate to mention it, but there are just one or two minor details of this ground-breaking story that Id like to take issue with.

Like the fact that this world exclusive first appeared in the 'Star' tabloid in March 1998. That Zerchers harassment allegedly occurred on Bill Clintons campaign plane 24 years ago - not on Hillarys current campaign jet. And even Zercher confessed that the reason Hillary did nothing was because she was asleep at the time of the alleged incident. Lets note that much of Zerchers new world exclusive interview appeared word-for-word 18 years ago. Were not supposed to recall that Zercher was interviewed by the Washington Post in July 1994 and never mentioned being harassed by Bill Clinton, saying only that he had flirted with her. Is it churlish to point out that TV news show Inside Edition ran a two-night special on Zerchers claims in April 1998, and revealed that she not only flunked a lie detector test, but failed miserably, according to show spokesperson Jan Murray. There are a long list of women who have claimed that the former president sexually assaulted or harassed them, but why resuscitate Zerchers threadbare claims now? To smear Hillary Clinton by making it appear to have taken place on her campaign jet. Tabloid reporting at its best, no doubt.

The Enquirer continues its Trump-loving vendetta against the Clintons with its Page Two story: Hillary Brain Cancer Drama! Hillary was spotted last week apparently wearing some kind of earpiece during a presidential TV debate. Its been the subject of widespread speculation and heated denial by the Clinton campaign, but for the Enquirer its proof positive that Hillary has been spoon-fed lies live on national TV because of memory lapses. And to the Enquirer medical team, that can only mean cancer. Well, it stands to reason: why would anyone wear an earpiece if they didnt have cancer. Right? though Im intrigued: why does the Enquirer believe that Clintons back-stage aides are feeding her lies? Thats fair and balanced reporting at its best.

Queen Kates having Twin Girls! yells the cover of the Globe, which continues to forget that Kate Middleton is not a queen, not even a princess, but a mere Duchess. Kate is reportedly three months pregnant and William is naming one of them Diana! This report has been circulating in the tabloid world since April, which means that Kate has been three months pregnant for the past five months. Kate reportedly has only told William, his brother Harry, her family and grandma Queen Elizabeth. And the Globe, of course, who must be on Kates speed-dial - though she seems to have fed them a lot of misinformation in the past. You have to admire the Globe Royal reporters restraint in referring to Prince Charles bride as his evil wife Camilla . . . The 69-year-old, horse-faced banshee . . . Seems like impartial reporting to me.

Unfulfilled promises abound in People magazine, whose cover boasts Rene Zellwegers "most revealing interview ever, while the inside story assures that she addresses the changes in her life (and her appearance) . . . So, to address the elephant in Zellwegers mirror: why did her face appear so dramatically changed a few years ago? Well never know. Thats a big question, she says, moving on the evade addressing the issue. Zellwegers most revealing interview ever, indeed.

At least Us mag tells us how Real Housewife reality star Bethenny Frankel survived my divorce from hell. Her secret? Focusing on her daughter . . . helped her survive the insanity, reports Us. And thats it. Thats the secret to surviving the divorce from hell. The rest of the feature is dedicated to exhuming her messy divorce in gloriously painful detail, with People magazines typical celebrity trainwreck voyeurism.

Thankfully we have Us mags crack team of reporters to tell us that Cara Delevingne wore it best (and still looked a mess), that Kiefer Sutherland can be impatient, actress Piper Perabo carries natural wood incense sticks, Italian hair perfume and wildflowers seeds in her Friends of the Library tote (are these stars now hiring stylists to curate their handbag contents?), and that the stars are just like us, as long as you can surf, ride a bike, shoot hoops and eat cotton candy (though not necessarily all at the same time.)

As ever, the big news of the week comes courtesy of the National Examiner, which reports Reincarnation is Real! Researchers have evidently found a number of infant children who accurately recall details of past lives of which they could have no possible prior knowledge, like the two-year-old who remembered being shot down in his plane over Iwo Jima in WWII, even accurately recalling the name of his boat and his co-pilot. This information from a toddler, of course, was told to a parent before any researcher was summoned - and theres no possible way that any parent could have planted such information in a pliable young mind, is there?

Onwards and downwards . . .